What to Do If Your Midwife Doesn’t Respect Your Birth Preferences (Including Your Faith)
When something doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct
Most women go into birth hoping to feel safe, supported, and listened to. And many do.
But sometimes… something feels off.
A comment that doesn’t sit right. A preference that gets dismissed. A sense that you’re not fully being heard.
It might be subtle. But you feel it.
And that feeling matters.
Let’s be clear about something first
You are not difficult for having preferences. You are not unreasonable for wanting to be respected. And you are not wrong for including your faith, your values, or your beliefs in your birth.
You are asking for person-centred care. And that is not a luxury. It is the standard.
You are not difficult for having preferences.
What respectful maternity care should look like
At its core, good care should feel:
Safe
Supportive
Respectful
Individualised
That includes:
Your physical needs
Your emotional wellbeing
Your beliefs and values
If any of those are dismissed, something is missing.
What it can look like when your preferences aren’t respected
Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s much more subtle.
It might look like:
Dismissive comments about your beliefs
Being made to feel uncomfortable or “awkward”
Your birth plan being overlooked or ignored
A lack of communication or explanation
Feeling rushed, unheard, or brushed aside
Even small moments can have a big impact in labour. Because birth is a time when you are especially vulnerable.
In the moment: what can you do?
This is the hardest part—because you’re in it. But there are gentle, grounded ways to advocate for yourself.
1. Come back to what matters to you
You don’t need a long explanation. A simple, calm statement is enough:
“This is important to me.”
“I would like this to be respected.”
Clarity goes a long way.
2. Use your birth partner
This is where your birth partner becomes invaluable. They can:
Speak on your behalf
Reinforce your preferences
Help hold the space when you can’t
This is why preparing them matters just as much as preparing yourself.
3. Ask questions
If something is being suggested or dismissed, you can ask:
“Can you explain why?”
“What are my options?”
This shifts the dynamic back to informed choice.
4. Stay anchored in your environment
If your faith is part of your grounding:
Play your worship music
Pray
Speak aloud if that helps you
You don’t need permission to do what helps you feel safe.
After the birth: if something didn’t feel right
Sometimes it’s only afterwards that you process what happened.
If you feel something wasn’t handled well, you are allowed to:
Reflect on it
Talk it through
Ask questions
Seek support
You can also provide feedback to the maternity service if needed. Not from a place of blame—but from a place of improving care.
A gentle but honest acknowledgement
It’s also important to say this:
While many experiences come down to miscommunication or system pressures, there are times when care does feel dismissive, and occasionally, women do leave feeling genuinely hurt by the way they were spoken to or treated.
That shouldn’t be brushed aside.
Those experiences are valid. And they deserve to be acknowledged with honesty and care.
At the same time, one experience does not define every professional you will meet.
Both of those things can be true.
This is why the right support matters
When you are supported by someone who understands what matters to you, everything feels different.
You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to justify your choices. You don’t have to shrink parts of who you are.
You can just be.
And in birth—that matters more than we often realise.
Final thoughts
If something doesn’t feel right in your care, it’s worth paying attention to. You deserve to feel:
Heard
Respected
Safe
Not just physically—but emotionally and spiritually too.
Your voice matters in your birth. And you are allowed to use it.
If you’re looking for maternity care where your preferences—including your faith—are understood and supported, I’d love to walk alongside you in that journey.
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